Sommersault
by LeaDepp
Summary: Set just after "Magic.Carpet.Fred". Mary's musing just after that look.


**Author's Note: This is set just after "Magic. Carpet. Fred." but it needs to be kept in mind that I the only season two I have seen is the clips on Written in the Stars. This little ditty was inspired by a combination of seeing the Dary scene from "Magic. Carpet. Fred." and the wonderful song "Sommersault" by Decoder Ring. Some may know it was written for the movie of the same title which won tons of awards (including AFI for Best Song). So anyway, enjoy. **

_I see you're breath hanging there_

_Like snow clouds, like snow clouds_

_Across the valleys_

_The snow falls down_

_Onto my skin_

We've done this too many times. Most people would have given up by now. We're gluttons for punishment. We just keep coming back for more. It's like we can't keep away.

It doesn't matter. I still feel like I've been gutted.

This time it's different though. This time I'm walking away from you.

I thought this way it would hurt less. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing your back again as you moved away. So I got in first.

It doesn't hurt any less.

I just had to turn back around. That's when the knife rotated. The look on your face. I've never seen you so shattered.

Every time you left for the marines I thought you had the easy deal.

I was wrong.

Walking away is harder.

I want to go back. Go back and hold you, comfort you, just be there for you. I just want it to be like the old days. When we were just there for each other. Back to when we were both rocks.

I wish I didn't have to feel this empty.

_In my heart, you'll stay_

_In my heart, you will be_

_In my heart, you'll stay_

_In my heart_

_In my heart_

You don't love Jenny. You probably never will. Just like you never loved Delinda or Sam or any of the girls you dated.

I'm the same. I don't love Jake. Luis was never more than a good friend. Not while you were there.

Even in another country you were still there. I could never get you out of my head. Out of my heart. Every breath was you.

I know it's the same for you. I know every girl you meet you compare to me. It's how we work. It's how we live.

Delinda, Sam and Nessa they don't understand why I gave the ring back. Honestly, at times I'm not sure I understand either. That piece of twisted metal and pointless rock seemed to symbolise everything I dreamt about ever since fourth grade.

God, that's terrifying.

I'm supposed to be out with Jake now. I couldn't face that. Not now. Not after today. I thought I would be ready for it. I thought I wouldn't fall to pieces. I thought I could stop avoiding conversation with you. I thought we could just go back to being friends.

Why can't I have a magic wand which suddenly makes it all okay again?

_I miss you when the air is still_

_I can hardly feel_

_But with one breath_

_You are here_

_You are here_

The view of the strip from the roof always comforted me. Tonight I'm blind to it. I might as well have been looking at hospital linoleum. Every where I turn I see you.

It's been that way for years. Whenever I'm hurting, I just see you. Sometimes I want to yell and scream and block you out. Others I just want to drown in you.

Tonight I'm watching you bleed.

There's no point in asking how we ended up here. Not when I've already go the answer.

We're both children, fooling ourselves that we could play at adult games. We aren't ready for those yet.

People are always saying that if you run with scissors you'll get hurt. They forget to mention that sometimes you need to run with scissors. We didn't run fast enough.

"Couldn't face it either, huh?"

I didn't even hear you come onto the roof.

"Could we not. Not now."

I wish I smoked. Not because it's all cool and trendy or because I have some diabolical plan to slowly kill myself. Right now I just need something to do with my hands.

You don't say anything. I just hear you leave. You were always like that. Never questioning any request unless it seemed out of character.

"It's never going to get any easier is it?"

You stop before I realise I had even spoken.

"I don't think it's supposed to."

The access door signals you've left. I finally turn around and stare at the portion of the roof I'm sure you've just occupied.

_In my heart (you are here)_

_You'll stay_

_In my heart, you will be_

_In my heart (I miss you when the air is still)_

_You'll stay_

_In my heart_

_In my heart_

I think that's the moment I realise. I'm never going to get over you. People tell me that it will take time and to try and move on.

All that is pointless.

In the end it'll always be you.

_Out of the breath in me_

_I keep you_

_In my heart_

_Out of the breath in me_

_I keep you in my heart_


End file.
